When I regard my life from a distance, it appears like a puzzle of interlocking roles. I am a retiree, spiritual director, member of a church, owner of a house, parent, partner, grandfather, godfather, amateur gardener, friend . . . and the list goes on. I try to exercise these different roles with equanimity. Throughout my life, I have struggled to balance work with family or personal roles. A challenge is to accept growth and change in my roles. When my children were little, my task was to keep them safe from harm. My adult children don't need or want protection any longer from me. But they do want support and fatherly encouragement. My role as their father has changed. It is sometimes painful to relinquish key roles as I move through the seasons of life. It was difficult for me to resign as a monastic in an Episcopal Church non-residential monastic community. But a resignation had to happen to create a new space for personal growth and development. I had grown beyond my decade-old monastic vows. Sometimes this happens when we offer, in good conscience, life vows (for example, marriage, ordination) only to find that they no longer fit new circumstances.
During spiritual direction sessions, I notice that a client is clinging to a role--almost as a life-saver, afraid of drowning or not surviving without it. One example is a woman who devoted her entire life to parish ministry and now is retired without a viable retirement plan. She mourns the loss of her role as pastor and is not adapting to retirement. One approach to role changes is to imagine where the Spirit may open new areas of interest and growth. I engaged in this visualization when I finished my time as a bookseller, an activity I dearly loved. The idea emerged that I should work intently on my family history as a legacy project for my children and other family members. I don't work on my genealogy daily. But there is never a week when I don't work on the family tree a little. It was the perfect next step or role following bookselling. The Spirit clears away some things so that others may take their place . . . a never-ending puzzle of roles. What roles do you need to clear out? What new functions do you visualize? These are good spiritual direction questions.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
March 2023
AuthorDan Hoffman is an Indianapolis USA based spiritual director, supervisor of spiritual directors, and workshop/retreat leader. This occasional blog discusses things he is thinking about and wants to share. Comments are always welcome. |