I have been spending time on a "re-do" of the master bedroom in this ninety year old house. All winter I thought about what I wanted: sycamore green walls, a white chenille bedspread, new wooden (not particle board) bookshelves, a large arts and crafts style tile. At this point I can report that the walls have been given two coats and look clean with a very deep hue and inviting contemplative tone. All of the stuff has been purchased and is awaiting right moment and measurements to go on the walls. The woodwork that was painted white will now be a mediiterranean white (slight apricot tinge). That painting is yet to happen and is only awaiting the long work of prep, putting up the blue painter's tape. This week I reluctantly began stripping ninety plus years of varnish off the two closet doors. Talk about unpleasant! I don't like toxic smells and so I bought what was billed an an environmentally safe, citrus smell product for the stripping. No amount of citrus could hide the powerful work that was occurring once I applied it to the door and the varnish started oozing into blobs. With newspapers duly laid out beneatth the doors, I began the work of cleaning off the now-liquified ancient varnish. Dirty, nasty work. But as the varnish started to disappear, a beautiful door of real wood appeared. The color was reddish gold. The wood showed itself with beautiful grain and markings. Yesterday I varnished the first door and it glows in its newly established natural woodiness! As I went through this exercise, I started thinking that stripping old varnish off doors is a little like what we do in spiritual direction. As we work, the gunk that slowly masks the beauty that exists deep in every person starts to become visible. This is slow, sometimes unpleasant work as the old covering clings on, reluctant to be removed once and for all. As a spiritual director, I rejoice in those moments when the beautiful sheen, texture and hue of a formerly hidden spiritual self begins to emerge and show itself. Very often this happens in a moment of insight and surprise. When a person says, after engaging for a long time in spiritual work, "I didn't realize that God was working deep inside me" the gunk is gone for good.
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March 2023
AuthorDan Hoffman is an Indianapolis USA based spiritual director, supervisor of spiritual directors, and workshop/retreat leader. This occasional blog discusses things he is thinking about and wants to share. Comments are always welcome. |